Generous Tipping Experiment

As our weekend in the Windy City was coming to a close, we dropped our rental car off and climbed on the rental car shuttle to make the 5 minute trip to Ohare Airport.  The mini-bus was full and since Delta was the last stop, I got to examine everyone as they got off the bus.    Our driver was a young lady, probably in her early 20s , who was very helpful….one of the shuttle drivers that actually help you get your bags unloaded.  As we kept stopping, I noticed that not one person tipped her but yet that never stopped her from continuing to help people with their bags.  This made me want to lay a big tip on her.  Here’s the problem:  we were completely out of cash.  I actually looked in my wallet twice during our driving time to see if I had any spare cash.   

And that’s when I noticed the change in my nature when it comes to tipping.  My wife has always naturally been a much more generous tipper than I.   My typically MO before the Generous Tipping Experiment was to tip the minimum amount, thinking that it was prudent money management to do so.  My thought was ”how much should I tip?”  But now I feel myself asking, “how much can I tip?”  And not having a couple of bucks (or $50) to tip the shuttle driver was truly disappointing to me. 

The valet had a big grin on his face as he looked me in the eyes and said, “thank you” in broken English as I slipped him $5 in front of the Intercontinental Hotel in Chicago.  I guess most people don’t tip the valet when they check their car in.  I know I usually do it when I pick it up.  But my wife and I were in the Windy City for a romantic weekend and we had plenty of cash to tip generously. 

It was a great weekend.  Some of our tips while here included:

• $50 for a $100 meal
• Numerous other 30% + tips on various meals (we love to eat in the city)
• Many, many $5 to $10 tips on small taxi fares
• Too many tips for valets and doorman to count

You know that generosity is rare in the city when a taxi drive tells you the tip is too much and tries to give you some of it back!  That happened to my wife when she was taking a cab from her conference back to our hotel. 

 I think generous tipping brings a new level of excitement to a weekend in the city because there are opportunities to do it often and largely. 

At the very beginning of the Generous Tipping Experiment, my friend Jerry and I were traveling together on business and I tried to covertly tip the maid service $20 for our hotel room without him seeing it.  He ended up seeing the tip and I told him about the Generous Tipping Experiment (GTE).  He told me a story about his mother and growing up seeing her work hard for the family yet always faithfully giving to her church despite the fact they didn’t have much.   I think the $20 tip for the hotel maid impacted him in light of his mother’s own hard work. 

Today, Jerry and I ate lunch and he shared a story of how the GTE had impacted him.   He was eating with his 15 year old daughter the other day and at the end of the $18 meal, he asked her how much they should tip the waitress, who was very busy yet working hard to give them good service.  His daughter said $3.  Jerry asked her “Why can’t we be more generous?”  His daughter looked puzzled and asked, “How generous can we be?”  After debating for a while, they decided that $25 would be a generous tip.  So they totaled the Visa slip and then went out to the parking lot.  Jerry’s daughter hung out in the parking lot for a bit, hoping to be able to look through the window and see the waitress’ expression. 

 As Jerry was sharing this story with me, I could see that it moved him to experience this with his daughter.  And I’ve experienced the same type of emotions with my own children with these small acts of spontaneous generosity.  I think all of us desire to see our children grow up givers versus takers.  Perhaps it doesn’t take as much as we think to help them move in that direction. 

This morning I was eating breakfast with a friend and business associate, Brian.  I know Brian to be a generous person and appreciate his heart  for others.   As I went to pay for the check, I told him about my generous tipping project and the $100 tip for the $10 haircut that started it all.  Since we were using my computer during the meeting, I pulled up this blog and let him read a couple of the stories. 

While he was reading, the waitress brought the check for the breakfast, which was around $18.  I told Brian I was adding the tip for $50, totaled the check and gave it back to the waitress who had been serving us.  We both waited to see what would happen.  In a couple of minutes the waitress came to the table, put her hand on my shoulder and smilingly said “thank you”.  It was such a simple gesture but I really appreciated her sincerity and the opportunity to share the experience with my friend.

I think that’s one of the big benefits of simple acts of generosity - it creates relational connections.  For a short few seconds, there was a special connection between myself (the giver) and the waitress (the receiver).  I also think that Brian and I experienced a deeper connection as we experienced the joy that comes when we give.  In such a large and transient city like Atlanta, what would happen if more and more people became more deeply connected by simply being generous with their time, talent and treasure? Could generosity be an antidote to a self-absorbed, face-paced suburban lifestyle? 

My 15 year old daughter Ainslee is our most independent child as well as our best shopper   She’s been to Guatemala with me twice and I always let her do the bargaining with the merchants in the market….she’s a brutal negotiator.   The other day I took her and my son Chris to each lunch at a diner in Buckhead.  When we went to the counter to pay for our $36 meal, I pushed the unsigned Visa receipt over to Ainslee and told her to add the tip to it.  She looked at me for a moment and then asked could she tip $36 - the price of the meal.  I told her absolutely.  When she totaled the receipt, the lady at the counter asked me if the amount was correct.   I smiled and told her we were generous tippers. 

The next day, when my wife Jennifer got home from taking Ainslee shopping, she told me that Ainslee had unsolicited given money to the Salvation Army bell ringer in front of one of the stores.  This doesn’t seem like much I know but I think it could be a big step in Ainslee’s own generosity.  Like any 15 year old in our affluent culture, sometimes I’m concerned that she’s too self-focused on her own wants - the right clothes, the right cell phone, the right haircut, etc.  And I share this concern for my own soul - the right clothes, the right I-phone, the right haircut.  That’s why I like for us to go to Guatemala to experience cultures vastly poorer than our own.  Perhaps this tipping project will help both her and I understand how blessed we are to have so much. 

I really enjoy tipping the ladies who clean my room when I stay in hotels while traveling.  This morning, I left an appreciation note with a $20 bill for the cleaning lady.  I saw her a couple of times in the hall and she always had a pleasant smile on her face.  I wonder how many hours of cleaning strangers’ crap equates to $2o….2 hours, 3 hours?  And I can waste $20 on Diet Cokes over a couple of days.   

I was eating dinner the other night with 4 pastors.  In past conversations with them, I told them about the $100 tip for the $10 haircut and the lessons I had learned through that experience.  At the end of our dinner together, I paid for the meal (have to use my expense account for something).  However, to my surprise, each of them took out around $20 in cash and left it for the waitress who had been serving us.  So the total tip came out to about $80 on a $125 meal.  It was great to experience the joy of generosity with these men.  And I also marvel at how  small acts of generosity can spur others on to other small (and not so small) acts of generosity.  I also wished I could have told the waitress that these men were pastors……both to debunk her possible thinking that Christians are stingy + to counter the view of many in our society that all preachers want is money from people.  Maybe the preachers on TV want something from you but most of the pastors I hang out with seem to jump at the chance to give to others when presented with the opporunity. 

My car was in the shop for repairs so I walked across the street to a restaurant to grab a quick bite to eat and work. It was relatively early to eat lunch and I was the only person there. A young, friendly waitress served me and I spent a good bit of time in her booth because I knew my car was going to take a while.By the time I left, she had gotten busy with other customers. She laid my check on the table and told me that I could pay for it up front at the cash register. I thanked her, picked up my $8 tab and gave the cashier up front my Visa. I then added a $50 tip to the Visa receipt, totalled it and left, walking around the parking lot while talking to a co-worker on my cell phone.A couple of minutes went by before the waitress came out to where I was standing with a big smile on her face. She said, “I’ve never received a tip like this. I just wanted to say thank you.” I wish I had something really meaningful to say like, “I’m a Christian and we are not cheap.” But unfortunately I just mumbled something about liking to tip generously.My co-worker did hear what was going on as I still was connected to him during the conversation with the waitress. Perhaps he was influenced by the generous tipping? In any case, it sure felt joyful to excel in the grace of giving for a moment.

October 2007 

It surprised me yesterday when I felt like God was leading (not telling…I didn’t hear a voice) to tip the young woman giving me a haircut $100 for the $10 haircut. I struggled with the urge…thinking perhaps I had enhaled too much of the talcom powder she used at the end of the haircut. But as I walked up to the counter and handed her my debit card, I knew it was going to happen.So I added the $100 tip and handed the receipt back to her. I watched her face as she paused to enter the total amount of the haircut into the visa machine. What happended next? Nothing. She didn’t make any facial expression. She simply said thank you and I walked out the door.My 12 year old son, Chris, was with me during the haircut and we had been discussing earlier (arguing really) over his apparant lack of contentment. As we walked out the shop, I told him that I had just tipped $100 for the haircut. He told me I was lying, knowing that I tend to be a frugal person. Then when he saw I was serious, he asked me why. I told him I didn’t really know I just felt like I was supposed to do it.As we were getting into the car, the manager of the shop ran out the front door, my receipt in his hand, with the women who had cut my hair on his heels. They were talking excitedly in a language I didn’t understand. He then asked me in broken English did I mean to tip her $100. After I said yes, both he and my stylist broke out into big grins….and Chris was right by my side witnessing the whole commotion. The young women kept saying over and over again, “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”On the way home, Chris and I had a great conversation about why God led me to this random act of generosity. We talked about the feeling of joy we both experienced because of it. Later, we talked about how the young stylist might use the $100. And the first thing Chris did when we got home was to excitedly tell my wife Jennifer about it.The story doesn’t end here though. Later that night, our family went to eat at IHOP as I had a hankering for some blueberry pancakes. As we ate, Chris kept watching the young man waiting on us. Finally, he said, “Let’s tip him $100 daddy. Look at his shoes.” I didn’t think his shoes were all that bad (they just had flour on them) and my “reason alarm” was ringing loudly that we were getting carried away. But as we discussed it among our family, we decided to tip $50 for a dinner that cost us barely over $19.So I addded the $50 tip to the visa bill and handed it to the cashier. I told him we were on a tipping spree and to please make sure our waiter got it. Before we had walked out the door, two other waiters had crowded around the manager and the excitement had begun. Chris stood out in the parking lot, refusing to get into the car until he saw our waiter get the tip. We stood there looking through the window of IHOP as the waiter started sort of jumping up and down and smiling, all over $50!It was Chris’ reaction to these two incidents that helped me understand why God led me to do it. I live in a constant fear that I am failing as a father. I struggle with guilt that I am raising my children to be discontent and enslaved by the deceitfulness of wealth. And these hands on, random acts of generosity impacted my young son in a powerful way, speaking more loudly than all of my past adminitions on generosity. And the great thing is I didn’t have to take him into the inner city or to a foreign country to teach him this; it all happened within 5 miles of where we live.